i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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