I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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