she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
