i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
