names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
