Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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