I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
