hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
