Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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