im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
