Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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