You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
