do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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