I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
