Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize