Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
