So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
