Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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