so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
