dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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