I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
