she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
