I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
