We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
