My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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