i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
