I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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