he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
NoShamevember. You game?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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