your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
