this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
