I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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