to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
