an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
