you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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