oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm like, not good at living.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
