.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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