maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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