awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just gift wrapped bread.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
