just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
