I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
