does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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