Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
