I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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