you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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