One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
