so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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