my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize