i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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