you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
