u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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