There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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