bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
