Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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