Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
