WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
