wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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