Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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