Me too!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
