i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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