my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize