I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
