hotel room ftw
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
