Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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