She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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