White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
