She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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