They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
