Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
