Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
