Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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