I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
